Anxiety sucks

2017-01-08 - 23:58:00

As I lay there, again, looking at the ceiling while my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest, I count. It is supposed to help if you count. My mind wanders as soon as I get to 3 and I have to restart, this time it is 2. I try one more time and my eyes well up. Nope, it’s not going to work tonight.


So I cry. Not because I’m sad, but out of desperation and frustration. Why am I feeling like this? I have no idea. Why am I cursed with this? I don’t know. I think about how long it’s been since I’ve seen my family. I think about graduating and being terrified of accomplishing nothing. I think about where I am supposed to live in 6 months. I think about why some friends have left me in their past. I think about why I can’t stop crying and how irrational and crazy I am being. I can’t breathe because I am crying too hard. For no reason, which makes it harder to breathe because it doesn’t make sense.


Then it stops. My mind goes from 20 thoughts to 1. I survived. I’m ok. Everything’s going to be ok. I’m smart, I’m brave and I’m the strongest person I know.


I can breathe. 

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